Does That Mean Anything??

I have tattoos....quite a few of them actually (much to my mother's dismay!)...and I'm often asked if they "mean anything". I often want to respond with "Yes, fool. They mean something. That's why I put it on my body!" but that would be rude and my mother taught me better :) So, I often give the Cliff's Notes version of what the meaning is behind the tattoo that the person is asking me about.

Today, I thought I would share with you the meaning behind two of the tattoos I get asked about most often and explain what the tattoos and the story behind them have to do with my current prep.

Tom designed this tattoo for the two of us. I have it on my left forearm and he has it on his left tricep. The design is a cross made with two of the letter "J". One "J" is larger than the other and represents our eldest child, The Princess and the smaller "J" represents the baby of our family, Junior. It is one of my favorite tattoos and I love that my hubby designed it for us and our babies :)

I designed this tattoo about 4 years ago and it was one of the hardest for me to design. Tom and I had a son, Junior, almost 5 years ago. I went into premature labor at 25 weeks and our son Junior was born on Sept. 19, 2006. I always say that his fighting weight was 1 pound, 7.8 ounces because he fought like a champion but ultimately he passed away two days later on Sept. 21, 2006. The tattoo consists of the actual footprints that were taken when he was born in the middle of a pair of angel wings. He was named after his father so I made sure to put his name underneath his prints. I struggled with the design for many weeks because I wanted to honor my angel but I didn't want it to be cheesy or depressing. In the end, I came up with the perfect design and the process of putting it on my back was a major step for me in the grieving process. Keith, the tattoo artist, who did the piece for me was incredible and told me he was honored that I let him share in the creation of this memorial.

So, that brings us to today. September is one of the most difficult months I face each year. Yes, I know that it has been almost 5 years since the loss of my child but it is a pain that has dulled but not vanished over time. I think about what my son would be like had he lived. I think about what type of big sister The Princess would have been. I think about the father & son relationship that Tom never got to experience. I think...I think...I think....and I cry. I cry for my son often but this month, the month of September, there are a larger number of tears that are shed.

It is like a cloud of darkness envelops me and I feel like I can barely function beyond doing what is necessary. That is why my prep is falling apart....my brain, heart, and body feel like it's more than I can manage to do what prep requires. My brain doesn't comprehend trying to fine-tune my body into a machine when my heart feels like this same body failed me 5 years ago.

I am struggling but I consider myself a fighter. I'm still in the ring and I may look like Oscar De La Hoya did after taking on Floyd Mayweather Jr, but I'm still fighting.

Tears, loss, heartache....it's part of my journey...part of the path I must take....but I'm putting one foot in front of the other and that, folks, is all that matters.

Open Letter to Chelsea!

One of the my friends, Chelsea from Git It Girl!, will be competing in her first show tomorrow night!!! I'm so excited for her and can't wait to hear all about her experience.

This post is for the incredible, determined, super sassy Chelsea!

Dear Chelsea,

Can you believe that it's been about 6 years since we first met at the U of A vs NAU tailgate?!?! Tom was Charlie's boot at Station 7 and I think you had just had Dylan...WOW!!! It's amazing how time flies!!!

We have had so much fun together over the years....including the drunken times at James & Yvonne's wedding and karoake at Bumsted's... :)

I wanted you to know that I'm incredibly PROUD of you!! I know the journey has been difficult and full of obstacles but you kept yourself in "beast mode" and kept your eyes on the prize.

Tomorrow I want you to remember where you started and where you are now. You have gained strength, not only physically but also mentally & emotionally. You set a goal for yourself and you accomplished that goal!!

Take time to enjoy yourself. Savor each moment. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, "I am a bad ass!!" because you are!

This is your day, your time to shine! Rock the heck outta that stage and most importantly, HAVE FUN!!!!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

*Dr. Seuss*

While I can't be there in person, I am there in spirit (with pom-poms and a Go Chelsea! sign)!

Can you hear me?? I'm screaming, "GIT IT GIRL!!!"

Best of luck and make sure you text me!!!! :)

Tenecia.

That's What's Up Thursday

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Once upon a time, I had this body.

Then I woke up.

IFBB Figure Pro Krissy Chin - now that's what's up!!!!

New Release Tuesday

I'm always looking for new music for my cardio sessions so when I heard this song, I decided it would be one that was added to my "Fat Burner" playlist :)

David Guetta seems like the guy every artist wants to collaborate with....it works for me!

Makin' It Look Easy...Sort Of...

I started my weekend off by squeezing slipping into my NAU booty shorts so I could cheer on the Jacks as they got the crap kicked outta them played against the University of Arizona Wildcats. This is the ONLY time during football season that I cheer against the Wildcats. I had to cheer for Northern Arizona University...I graduated from the school with a baby, baby daddy, & a Bachelor of Science degree...and isn't there some unspoken rule that no matter where you live you always have to cheer for your alma mater??!?!

The Princess and I hit up a couple of stores yesterday. I pretended that we needed to go to the Nike Outlet and she giggled when I told her that sometimes a girl just needs to buy herself something that makes her smile. Hey, it's true and she needs to learn this lesson before it's too late!! ;) The shopping trip was a success! The Princess snagged a cute pair of black & pink tennis shoes and I scored a couple of "yes, I'm better than you" t-shirts! Here's a pic of one of the shirts I now own....

I made it a point to get up early this morning so I could hit up the gym. It would have been smart of me to check what time the gym opened this morning since it's a holiday but guess what? I never claimed to be smart...lol!! My home gym, Desert Sports & Fitness, wasn't open when I arrived so I had to decide whether I was going to turn around & go home or head over to the Gold's Gym where I have a second membership. I decided that I would be pissed at myself for the rest of the day if I went home so I drove to Gold's. I had a pretty decent back workout (I'm still adjusting to this gym so I'm always comparing it to my home gym) and hit up the StairMill for some "light" cardio. When I got home, progress pics were taken and let's just say I don't hate them but I don't love them either. I can definitely see improvements in my back but the rest of me is kinda squishy. I have to kill it these next 8 weeks!

So there you have it....8 weeks and squishiness to conquer....as Mr. Ronnie Coleman says, "Ain't nuthin' but a peanut!"

And before I go....I leave you with a song you definitely need to have on your ipod (it was the theme song for my prep for the Orange County Muscle Classic) & a tennis player that needs to tell me her secret to her amazing biceps. Her name is Samantha Stosur...if you don't know, now you know :)

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Not That You Asked....

but I'm going to share with you one of my pet peeves.

Caution - bitchiness up ahead!

I was at the grocery store stocking up on chicken breasts and veggies when this woman approaches me. She starts the conversation by saying how fit I look and how she really loves women with muscle. I'm no Erin Stern or Teresa Anthony so I'm a bit embarrassed by the attention but I thank her for the compliment. She looks into my shopping cart and makes a comment about the lack of junk food in my cart. I chuckle and explain to her that while I love junk food, it doesn't help me stay fit or healthy. The woman then asks me what I do on a daily basis to, and these are her exact words, "get that bod because I really want to change the way I look and feel". So, I proceed to explain to her what my daily workout and diet schedule consists of. As I'm talking, she starts making these weird faces while making comments like "oh really" and "that doesn't sound like any fun". When I'm done talking she says, "That just sounds like too much effort. I'm sure that you're making things more difficult and boring than they have to be". I smile politely, tell her I need to finish up my shopping, and wish her the best. 

I seriously HATE when people ask what you do, what you eat, etc to look the way you do and when they find out that it takes effort & work, they tell you that there's an "easier" way. I feel like smacking the shit crap out of them and screaming, "There is no EASY way. It requires work!!!"

If you already know that you want to hear that all it takes to maintain a healthy physique is a magic pill that you take while enjoying your Mountain Dew & Big Mac (I'm not hatin' on Big Macs...as disgusting as they are, I do enjoy one now & again...) as you sit on your squishy ass, then don't waste my time by asking questions that you don't really want the answer to. It's annoying, it works my last nerve, and it interrupts my shopping.

Rant over - I will now return you to the regular, less bitchy programming of this blog ;)

Daily Reminders

I spend A LOT of time in the kitchen....not because I'm a fabulous chef....but because it's where the mass quantities of food for the week are prepared & packaged and it's where my family comes together for meals & quality family time.

Since I spend a significant amount of time in the kitchen (including the times when I'm dieting and I'm staring the freezer at my post-show chocolate goodies), I decided that it would be the perfect place to put some daily reminders about staying the course & not losing focus.

Every time I get something out of the freezer or walk by the refrigerator, I see these three things.

 1) The poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley - I've talked about what this poem means to me before but for those of you who missed it, this poem is an incredible source of motivation. I see it as my reminder that I cannot be broken, not matter what the circumstance.

2) "If you're going through hell, keep going." magnet - this quote by Winston Churchill is simple yet true. The "hell" you may be going through is only temporary so keep moving forward.

3) Show posters & tickets - This letter size poster & Tom's tickets for the show are a reminder that it's too late to back out now! :) I'm on the list of registered athletes and Tom has a seat at the pre-judging and finals shows!!

Excuse the crumbs...I just made The Princess a sandwich :)

My last daily reminder is my travel mug! My sister generously donated this mug to me when I was telling her about the mugs I saw at Starbuck's that allowed you to add a photo or make a collage. She had one at her house that she wasn't using so new free mug for Tenecia! I went through a bunch of my old magazines and cut out words that jumped out at me. The end result is pictured above so now when I'm enjoying (while secretly complaining about) my black coffee or Yogi tea, I get to read some quick tidbits of motivation.

What about you? Do you have any daily reminders to keep you focused and striving for your goals?