Creamy Crack, Booze, and Fire Safety!

First of all, Rachel punked me into participating in her Project Tasteless!! Ok, technically she didn't "punk" me but she did encourage the readers of her blog to participate in a 6 week cooking contest. I’m not the best cook but I decided to participate in the contest as a way to have fun and get my black ass back into the kitchen!

This girl loves herself some vodka…ok…I love myself any type of booze…I’m kind of a lush…keep your judgment to yourself! Prepping for a figure competition is a big o’ BLOCKER of my love of vodka and that is not cool! I am also a huge lover (borderline addict) of Precise hair relaxers. I rock a Rihanna inspired ‘do and it is not cute when it is nappy! So…I ran to Sally’s to get my fix…I could feel the burning of my scalp just by pulling the box off the shelf! When I returned from the store, I took off my tank & comfy yoga pants and put my apron on (per the contest rules). Please note the fire trucks, hydrants, and Dalmatians – I’m a firefighter wife and it’s only right that I show my support for fire safety in addition to some side cleavage! Oh…and this apron was evidently made for a woman with size A breasts because I was showing ALL of my girls before I made some modifications to the neck ties! I also put on a pair of turnout boots because what’s sexier than a naked woman rockin’ rubber steel-toed boots in the kitchen..that’s right…nada!

*And before you start talkin' $hit, I did put underwear on before sitting on my clean kitchen counter. Hello, I have home training!!

So, I had to make a decision….Creamy Crack (aka hair relaxer) or vodka…?? I already knew I couldn’t actually have the vodka so I decided to throw on the creamy crack and then figure out what recipe I could use the vodka in. I decided to go with a vodka pasta sauce recipe I had come across some time ago and had apparently saved to a Word document on my computer entitled “Recipes to Try” (umm…yeah…I completely forgot I had even created this document!).

Makes 4 - 6 servings

12 ounces grilled, marinated chicken breast, cut up

2 garlic cloves, minced

14.5 ounce can diced tomatoes and juice

8 ounce can tomato sauce

1/3 cup vodka

½ tsp dried oregano

Morton’s Lite Salt to taste

Parmesan cheese for topping

I eat chicken almost every day and the thought of cooking it today made me want to hurl so I opted to replace the chicken with ground turkey. I’m also not a fan of mincing garlic so I took a shortcut and used 1 tbsp of minced garlic from the jar (shut it, Iron Chefs that are reading this!). I also added 1 green bell pepper (chopped) and black olives (chopped). Oh...and I have no qualms about using Great Value brand products...I'm a girl on a budget...I need to save money for important things....like MAC makeup, Coach purses, and 5" clear heels! ;)

I put the pasta on to cook and sprinted to the shower to wash out the relaxer that was now SIZZLIN’ at 10 on a scale of 1-5. Why, you ask? Because Creamy Crack Code clearly states that you may not wash out your relaxer until the skin on the top of your head is boiling like a Chemistry experiment, that’s why!

With the shells done and off to the side, I browned the ground turkey. In another pan, I sautéed the garlic and added the tomatoes, tomato sauce, bell pepper, black olives, vodka, basil, and oregano. While this simmered for about 10 minutes, I washed the pans I had dirtied and slapped my boo’s hands away from my backside!

After I had my fill of dirty…and I don’t mean dirty dishes, I added the ground turkey to the sauce and let it do its thang for about 5 minutes. Pasta was added to the mixture and el fin (the end!)!

I took out one of our "good" plates and served Tom the meal he is still in shock that I created!

Nails done, hair done, meal done…..I’m fancy, huh? ;)