F%*k You Friday

It’s that time of week again! Time for me to say “f%*k you” to something or someone that has WORKED my last nerve this week.

Let’s get this thing rollin’!

This week’s big o’ “F%*K YOU!!!!!” goes out to…..wait for it….wait for it….

ME!!!!

That’s right, folks – I got on my own nerves this week! I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy, fear, resentment, list goes on and on. Last night while my hubby was working, I texted him that I was pretty sure that I was to ready call it quits. I told him I wasn’t sure I could cut it and that I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself for a second time. I may have also complained about not being able to eat like a normal person…lol…

During this past week, I did A LOT of comparing myself to others. I compared myself to someone I know who is competing in the next few weeks. I compared myself to the girls who were on stage with me at the July show. It seems like I compared myself to every female on planet Earth. And you know what I got from that?? NOT A DAMN THING!!!!

I’m scared – bottom line. Because let’s be honest – putting on a ridiculously small bikini and walking across a stage in front of hundreds of strangers can be a little intimidating. That fear is heightened when you are self-conscious (like I often am) and you feel like you’re the Marshmallow Man compared to the other competitors. So, this week I laid out the welcome mat for fear and it came right in and made itself at home!

Now, I’m not going to lie and say that today all of those feelings magically disappeared but I will say that I’m not a quitter. In times of difficulty, I have always found strength in a poem entitled Invictus by William Ernest Henley. In fact, the word “invictus” is Latin for unconquer, unconquerable, undefeated. I fell in love with this word and I have it tattooed on my right wrist to view each day!

The poem is as follows -

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My Head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.


I also received a nice kick in the butt from my friend Chelsea. Her post today was just what I needed!!! Check it out at http://gititgirlaz.blogspot.com/2010/10/trust-your-inner-wisdom-and-follow-your.html

So there you have it…f%*k you to me and my self-doubt this week…I can’t promise that it won’t happen again….but I can promise that it won’t last very long!

Have a great one!