I'm Back! For Real This Time!!!

I could go into a long detailed explanation about why it's been almost a year since the last time I posted but I'm not going to do that. Let's just say, life happened and I pushed blogging to the bottom of my priority list. But I've missed it and I've missed you, my readers, and so I am vowing to make a conscious effort to blog more frequently.

So what's happening competition-wise? Well, my initial plan was to step on stage in July at Team Universe and win my pro card. If I was unable to win my card at Team Universe, I planned to hit the Masters Nationals stage two weeks later and win it there. These two shows were my finish line. Every workout, every meal, every thing I did during the off-season was for these two shows. I was determined to do the work so that when the time came, I would be victorious.

Prep started and things were moving along, slowly, but they were moving. Then there was a shift. Shit started happening. I couldn't control everything like I had previously been able to. I wasn't sleeping well. I was stressed. I was emotional. I was dealing with so many things all at once and guess what? I started to crack. Small cracks at first but they were there.

I checked in with my coach when scheduled and my thoughts gradually changed from being confident about being ready for Team U to concerned thoughts of having a physique that would be competitive for the national stage. I shared these thoughts with my two best friends and no one else. I strongly believe in the power of "speaking on it" so I was worried that if I kept saying that I wouldn't be ready, then that is what would happen.

Last Saturday marked 4 weeks out from Team Universe and I sent my progress pictures into the Boss Lady. However, this check in was different. I included a video message to her in which I said I didn't want to do Team U or Masters Nationals. I was open and honest about my feelings and my fears. I didn't sugar coat anything which I realized I had been doing in most of my check ins. Since she was out of town with clients that were competing, we agreed to talk when she returned home. 

We talked last Monday and agreed that I am not ready to compete at the national level next month. The Boss Lady told me to focus on the other aspects of my life, do what I needed to make training fun again, and to keep in mind that the stage will always be there whether it's in a few months or next year.

It was after that conversation that I decided I would not be competing in 2016. My heart and mind were just not in it. I just couldn't give prep & competing the attention and dedication it required. There would be no bedazzled suits or 5 inch clear heels for me this year. There would be no pro card. It broke my heart but I also felt extremely relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I took all of last week off from the gym. I didn't lift or do cardio. I happily drove past my gym without stopping and didn't feel one ounce of guilt about it.

Today was my first day back to the gym and during my workout I heard something that made me stop, put down the dumbbell that was in my hand, sit, and cry.

"You've gotten this far.

If you were going to quit, 

you shoulda quit a long time ago.

You've come too far to quit now.

Show me that nothing is impossible."

*Eric Thomas*

I texted my best friend Lo and sent her what I had heard. Her response was "That's true...u didn't come this far to quit...it's not what we do. So what r u going to do about it?" 

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do but I do know this, I'm not hanging up my clear heels just yet. It doesn't feel right. 

Nothing is impossible so I will figure this shit out and make something happen.

I hope you'll join me for the ride. 

Be Nice!!

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon a blog post that, for lack of a better description, punched me in the face.

I feel like the post was waiting for me and when I clicked the title, it did this......

The post is from Crop Tops and Kale (ummm...best name ever!) and is entitled "On Calling Ourselves Ugly". I'm not going to give a book report on the post because you NEED (see what I did there? I used capitalization and the bold option. That means it's very very very important) to read it for yourself. The title pretty much sums it up.

I am very careful about saying that I'm fat or that I need to lose weight in front of The Princess. I have made a conscious effort, especially these last few years, to limit the amount of self negative talk that I engage in when she is around. I want her to love her body and be proud of the skin she is in but how can she do that if her mother doesn't teach her how to?

The Princess and I!

Want to know what I'm not careful about? In the words of D-Money, the post's author, talking shit about my looks. I am guilty of saying not so nice things about the way I look.Why? I don't really know. I've always done it. Truthfully, I always felt like I was the ugly duckling in the family. I mean...I think any female would have a complex growing up with a sister and mom who look like this!

There's a joke in my family about a time when a boy I liked said to me "I think your sister's pretty" and with that line, he crushed my dreams of calling him my boyfriend. And while I can chuckle about it now, it still stings a little bit. This was not the first, nor would it be the last, time someone made a comment about my sister, co-worker, friend, being more attractive than me.

I have a five, not fore, head. I constantly scrutinize my pictures. I don't like the way I look when I laugh. My nose looks like a bell pepper. I have chipmunk cheeks. I look like a boy. I need more eyebrows. My lips could be plumper. My face is shaped weird.  What's up with the bags under my eyes? Why isn't my face "softer"? I wish I had that good hair. Damn, I look like a dude.

I should have put quotation marks before and after each of those sentences because those are things that I say to or about myself. How nice of me, right?

Now, let me be clear on something. I'm not writing this post so people will feel sorry for me or tell me how pretty they think I am. I'm writing this post because I'm a grown ass woman who needs to let those ridiculous comments go and focus on learning to love myself.

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D-Money wrote "When we continuously think and say mean things to ourselves, we eventually start to believe them." and it makes no sense to be so mean and cruel to ourselves.

I may not be a Beyonce or Gabrielle Union but you know what?

I'm me...gloriously ridiculous, goofy, awkward, smartass, klutzy, intelligent, nerdy, slightly attractive (hey...it's the best I can do right now...don't judge me...I'm working on it...lol) me.

I can live with that!

Mind Games...

I have always been hard on myself. I have, for the most part, felt like I was "average" when it came to certain things. One of these being competing.

I am making the following statement without a shred of cockiness (I am merely stating facts) - I have done very well during my last 3 years on stage. I have won my class twice, one overall win, and seven top five placings. However, I still feel like an underdog. Like I'm not quite at the level I need to be in order to be a contender. Like I'm average. Like I have more weaknesses versus strengths in terms of my physique.

In my "More Than A Month!?!?" post I mentioned that during this off-season, I am working on, not only my physical well-being, but my mental well-being as well. During one of my earlier text exchanges with the Boss Lady, she told me "A healthy mind leads the way". She and I have discussed on numerous occasions how I tend to let my negative, self-deprecating thoughts take over and cloud my vision. The Boss Lady explained to me that in order to be my best self, I had to start working on changing my mindset and clear my head of negative thoughts.


I decided that I wanted to read a book that could help me figure out why I tend to be so critical of myself. Why to I get in my own way when it comes to making goals and pursuing them.

I found this book while searching my library's catalog and at first I was going to pass on it because it was only available in audiobook format. Then I decided that I would check it out and I would listen to it to and from the gym. It turned out to be a great decision.

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One it helped me wake up and get ready for my workout. Two it helped me really think about what was going on in my life, the decisions I've made, the chances I have & haven't taken, etc. I now joke that I worship at the Church of Jen Sincero. She has really changed my life. This book is definitely librarian approved - read/listen to it if you can!!

Awhile back, Tom found this incredible video on youtube and played it for me. I instantly fell in love with it and told him I wanted to figure out a way to put it on my workout playlist. The man worked his magic and converted it, along with a couple of other videos, into mp3 files that I could add to my playlists.

And one of my all-time favorites:

 

One of the men that you hear speaking in the first two videos is Eric Thomas aka ET. The man is incredible. I feel like every time I listen to him, I can conquer the world. I downloaded his app and listen to him constantly.

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He really makes me want to do better - train harder - fight for more - aspire to be greater. His words breathe life into me every time I hear them.

I am learning how important it is to fill my heart and my mind with positive thoughts and people. While it may seem weird to others, this is what is working for me. This is what is helping me realize, like Jen says, that I am the only Tenecia there will ever be....and that I'm kind of a big deal. I get to perceive my reality so why would I choose to perceive myself as anything other than a super huge rock star of a person?

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Getting Things Done...

In my "Final Decision" post, I shared with you some of my last season shit show drama events. I let y'all know that while I had started prepping for a fall show, a decision was made to end my prep and focus on an off-season.

My bedazzled suit and 5 inch clear heels were packed away and my focus shifted from getting show lean to other things.

I am now about three months into "Operation Physique Overhaul" and I have to tell you, off-season is not as horrible & squishy as I thought it would be! :)

My off-season body....

From my coach's Facebook page

At the beginning of my off-season, my coach explained to me what some of my goals were going to be. Some of these goals were about physical improvements like adding width to my back, working on my glute & hamstring tie-in, building my chicken legs (my words...not her's! lol). Others were focused on working on my mindset and helping me stop comparing myself to others & recognize my potential/strengths.

How I felt after my first official workout with my coach -
whose idea was this?!?!

Checkin' on my booty gains.... #cakecakecakecake

Working on improving my physique has been fun, challenging, and at times brutal. I love the workouts that I'm receiving. I love that I can drive up to Phoenix to train in person with my coach (even though I'm pretty sure she's trying to make me throw up, cry, die, or all of the above...lol). The in person training is a great time for me to ask questions, have my form corrected, learn about my body and what things I should be looking for/feeling as I'm doing a particular exercise, and more.

Am I growing??? :)

At the start of all of this, my metabolism was a bit sluggish so my body was not responding to the work I was putting in. I will be honest when I say I was feeling frustration about things not happening the way I felt they should be or as quickly as I wanted to. I was told to be patient and give my body time to get itself back in order. I made a conscious decision to throw out my timetable, focus on working my plan day in & day out, and let my body do the rest. I am very happy to say that I have received very positive feedback from my coach about the progress I'm making (a compliment or two may have been given....score!) - #happymeathead

The Mister caught me taking a selfie :)
Check out my cool lifting belt that he made me for Christmas!!

What I looked like after my first 2 hour spin & battle ropes class!

My daily schedule hasn't changed just because I'm not in contest prep. Most days I wake up between 3:45 - 4:00am and will be in the car heading to the gym no later than 4:15am. I work out until about 6:00 am, head back, put my mom & wife hats, and then head to work. In addition to my weekly lifting & cardio sessions, I have started attending a Saturday morning spin class at my local YMCA! It's from 8:15 am - 10:15 am and we do battle ropes at the end of class! I know the instructor from the library and he had been challenging taunting encouraging me to attend his class for quite some time. When I was told I needed to start spinning, his class was the first one I thought of and now, I can't live without it!

This has been an incredibly interesting time for me - signing with a new coach, officially being in off-season, setting lofty goals for 2015, trying new things, etc. I am thankful that my body continues to put up with my rigorous training and that I have remained healthy & injury-free. I am excited about the journey I am on and what is to come.

2015 is going to be the year of badass - I just know it!

I Did It!!!

Remember in my Shame On Me!! post when I said

 "I've also handed the reins over to someone else in order to be

 more competitive (would love to win an overall title one day!), 

make the necessary changes to my physique, 

and get my nutrition on point."? 

Well, it happened!!! 

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Last Saturday I won Figure Class A and the Overall Figure title at the NPC Terminator! I was honestly in shock! After prejudging, I thought that I had placed second in the class and I was perfectly ok with that. But in the end, it was my number and name that they called when they announced first place & the overall winner. I can't describe to you what it felt like to be standing in the middle of that line, tiara on my head, 1st place trophy at my feet, hearing my friends and family cheer for me. It was an amazing feeling and I will never forget it!

I know a recap (not only for this show but the Dennis James Classic) is necessary but I don't want to do that in this post. Right now I would like to take the time to thank a few folks!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

• Thank you to Tom aka The Boss #2 - my unofficial coach & trainer, "It's Crunch Time" reminder, and partner in crime. I know prep is hard, not only for me but you as well. I know that the last few months have been crazy with all of the changes but you stuck it out with me and even made me grilled cheese sandwiches! Thank you for supporting and sometimes carrying me on your shoulders (even if I'm a walrus)! 
• Thank you to my incredible family (Mom, Dad, Reecie, Jonathan, Uncle James, Aunt Margaret, Little James, Clarisse, Josh, Josue, Pam, Jack, Crissy) for putting up with my "I can't have that" on Family Day, listening to my boring prep talk, and coming to my show! I love you guys and know that I couldn't have accomplished so many of the things that I have without you guys!
• Thank you to my #IronFamily! Nate, Jimmy, Pancho, Philip, and Brandy! You guys are so amazing. The encouragement, support, love, and positive energy you provide is more than a meathead could ever ask for! :)
• Thank you to my gym Desert Sports & Fitness, specifically Joella and Steve! I appreciate you guys making sure that not only I, but all of the other DSF members have a top notch gym to get gains in :)       Joella - thank you again for all of the times you've been my post office box and let me sneak my meals into the refrigerator. I'm pretty sure I owe you more Starbucks, yogurt parfaits, and chocolate than I can keep track of. Steve - I know I'm you're favorite. That's why you give me so much shit, right?? :) Thanks for keeping things interesting!
• Thank you to my amazing friends (Lo, KC, Marissa, Chelsea, Savannah, Jenny, and everyone else I forgot to name)! I have never been that girl who had a large group of friends but the friends I did have were/are QUALITY. You have no idea what your texts, lunches, video messages, shopping dates, dinner dates, etc mean to me. You help me keep my sanity. You remind me that despite my craziness & my tendency to close myself off - there are still people who want to be a part of my life and care for me. I don't deserve you but am so thankful for you. 
• Thank you to Mason for helping me prepare for this show. I know we didn't have a lot of time to work together but I'm definitely happy with what we were able to accomplish in such a short amount of time. P.S. Dafuq is "carb sensitive"?? ;)
• Thank you to those of you reading this! I know I haven't been as consistent with this thing as I have been in the past but I appreciate you still being here and following me on this wacky journey. You guys rock my world!

Now....where did I put my tiara?? :)

Shame on Me!!

It's been over a month since the last time I posted something! That's a damn shame. I offer no excuses. I go from feeling like I don't have much to say to feeling like I have so much to share but can't manage to form a coherent sentence.

What can I say?? I'm a hot damn mess :)

Let's talk competitions! I promise at some point to provide a proper recap post but right now, I'll just give you the Cliff's Notes version. I competed in Figure at the Dennis James Classic in Phoenix on May 31st. While my prep for the show was full of craziness, I arrived in Phoenix feeling pretty solid about the physique I would be presenting. In the end, I walked away with 3rd place. As I always do after each show, I emailed the head judge for feedback so I'm intrigued to find out what he has to say.

Here are some pictures to hold you over until I get an actual recap done!

Brandi (fellow #IronGal) and I met Dennis James after athlete check-ins!

Officially checked in - Figure Class D! 

Originally I had planned to do two July competitions following the Dennis James Classic but that plan has been completely revamped :)

My next show will be the NPC Terminator and it's in a little less than 3 weeks! The really awesome thing about this show is that it's here in Tucson! The Princess will be able to attend the show (I've been instructed that "you better win it, Mom!") as well as other family members, some of my friends, and my #IronFamily. It will also be fun to hang out with everyone after the show - bring on the food, booze, and shenanigans!

I've also handed the reins over to someone else in order to be more competitive (would love to win an overall title one day!), make the necessary changes to my physique, and get my nutrition on point. Past coach/athlete relationships did not work out as well as I had anticipated so I was hesitant to hire a new coach. I really figured Tom & I could continue to do this competition thing on our own for the remainder of this year and then when it was time, we would have a serious conversation about whether or not I should continue to compete.

While at the Dennis James Classic, I ran into a coach/trainer that I've come to know over the past few years. His fiancee and I have competed together at some of the same shows and as recently as a month ago, one of his clients rented one of my competition suits for her national debut. He and I politely chit-chatted like we usually do and then I heard myself saying something about me feeling like it was time for us to talk seriously about becoming one of his athletes. About a week after the show, I called him and we had a great conversation (complete with "AHA" moments for me) about my goals, my training, nutrition, etc. I didn't want to make any decisions without Tom's input so he & Tom spoke to one another the next night. In the end, Tom told me the decision was mine to make and he would support me no matter what I chose to do. He added that he appreciated that this particular coach was willing to not only answer questions from me but my husband as well. Tom told me he liked what he heard and thought it would be smart of me to work with him. What could I say after that!?! :)

Two weeks ago, I officially hired Mason of Team MFit AZ as my coach/trainer and from the moment I put myself in his hands, he has been whoopin' my ass!

The last couple of weeks have been an adjustment, not only because of my new training & meal plans but work as well. Mason asked me how I was feeling during my check in over the weekend and I told him, "Like shit" (I was being slightly dramatic) but he explained to me what changes he saw taking place and then  sent me this photo:

Of course I could pick this apart but bottom line, I look better 2 weeks out than I did one day out from my last show. It's been tough and I've felt weak at times but I know, to my core, that there's some good stuff on the other side (maybe a set of Dwight Howard shoulders??!?! lol). Both Mason & I have high expectations (no pressure!) and I don't want to let my new coach & team down - so I will do what needs to be done, even if that means wanting to knock over a StairMill!!

Bring on the Ramble!

I haven't done a check in video in 

quite some time and thought to myself

"why not bore your readers by

rambling on and on for 

almost 11 minutes???"

Ok...that's not exactly what I thought...

but I did think it was time for a video

and while I intended for it to be a 

quick one, it is not.

You've been warned!!

Oh...and do you remember Where's Waldo?

Well, the name of the game for this video is

Where's Tom? :)

I Got Nada....

My brain feels like mush!

I had all of these witty things I wanted to share 

with you guys and when I sat down to type them up,

NADA!!

So.....

You'll just have to settle for some random pictures....

#sorryimnotsorry

#illdobettertomorrow

Planting fun at my library branch!

Ignore my sweaty butt...lol...

Posing practice between sets :)

Is it cocky to say I love everything about this picture??

The song on repeat these days --> Nico & Vinz - Am I Wrong

Yep...I wore leather booty shorts out on Saturday night... ;)

Sunday morning breakfast at the track!

The eye candy pictures I send to Tom post-workouts...lol...

My momma is too cute. My spot at the dinner table :)

Don't get between me & my Peeps!

My view this Monday morning!