Sunday, May 29, 2011

Overwhelming Unhappiness

I'm so unhappy right now. This prep has really done something to my psyche....or at least that's how it's feeling today. I want to go to the gym with Tom and have the kind of workouts that leave me queasy, shaky, and feelin' like She-Hulk. However, that's not allowed (I'm pouting as I type that). It's hard to feel like you're in prep with you don't get to see the inside of a gym very often and you feel like your muscles are withering away.


This was the decision I made after the April show - I agreed to give this route a shot - and so I am - but don't get it twisted (you like the ghetto fab I inserted - that doesn't mean I'm not going to whine about it now & then!

*I started this post this morning and then stepped away*

 For some reason after I started typing this blog post this morning, I fell apart. By fell apart, I mean I took two steps away from the computer, collapsed on the couch, and started bawling my eyes out. I sent an emotional video message to The Boss explaining why I was so distraught. Tom, who is not freaked out by many things, does freak out when I start to cry (that's how rare it is that I do it!) so he decided that we needed to get out of the house & I could take out my frustration out on the weights. I walked in the gym slightly exhausted and empty but left feeling renewed & like I had re-entered "Beast Mode".

I'm human....this prepping/competing stuff is not for the weak...but that's not to say those of us who do it don't have moments of weakness.

The crying is over and I'm focused on finishing what I started. 

I'll leave you with some progress pictures from yesterday - there's still work to be done but anything can happen in 7 weeks. Like 8 time Mr. Olympia Ronnie Coleman said in The Cost of Redemption, "Ain't nuttin' but a peanut!"

Would it have killed me to fix the bottom of my suit?!?! :)
Damn AZ sun causing me to squint ;)


  1. Aw girl, it's totally ok to have breakdowns during prep - it happens to all of us. And it seems like we all encounter unique issues during our prep, whether it's having difficulty getting lean, or trying to hang on to muscle, or trying to lose muscle. They're all challenges that can definitely wreak havoc on our psyche.

    Your progress pics looks really good - you've got a good balance and overall even conditioning. All you gotta do now is tighten up a bit, and you've still got 8 weeks to do that. Seems like the new look of Figure this year is a challenge for a lot of us.

    Hang in there and keep doing your thang. We're all here to support you and help in any way we can.

  2. You look awesome..very nice shape & condition!! Keep it up...your on your way to greatness!!

  3. We are totally with you with the crying! We have all done it. It seems like each time should be easier, but it is different every time!! I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns and doing what you know is best even thought its hard! This is what makes you a champion!!

    We are cheering you on from all over the place! Can you hear me screaming your name from Canada? TENECIA YOU ARE AMAZING!

    I can't wait to see what happens over the next 8 weeks, it is going to be awesome.

  4. We all have our moments of feeling weak against the prep. Stay strong! You're looking great! And like Donloree said, we are all cheering for you!

  5. UGH! I hate to hear you down. I would feel the same way, and have recently with my hand stuff, but you will get through this and make a better you for it!
    ....have you given any thought to the womens' physique category? Sometimes a round peg will not go in a square hole. (You might be happier at least)